Monday, July 12, 2010

Word for word Bus conversation:

I scribbled this conversation down in my journal like 5 or 6 years ago when I was in the bus in San Francisco, hope you enjoy it. Sorry about the funky lack of format:

Guy on the phone on the bus
Guy- “they have it at staples.
Brown envelopes, no manilla- well ask somebody then.
No, no, go for it yourself- you can find it.
They’re not trained, mostly they’re youngsters
Just there for the summer
They’re not pushing sales, so I bet you’ll find it faster
on your own
Where?
Comp usa?
I thought you said staples
How could you get them mixed up
They’re cheaper at staples
Yeah it makes a difference
I’m buying 300 of them.
Unless you want to pay for it
Make sure they’re big enough”
(He looks at his watch.)
“They’re gonna close soon.”
Girl sits next to him.
Guy continues- “you need to pay better attention
to detail
and better attention to me.”
Girl starts digging around in her bag for something.
“Well don’t worry about what he says-
you don’t work for him-
you work for me.
Remember what I told you before?
Do you remember?”
Girl says,
“fuck.” While rummaging frantically.
“Who pays your rent?”
Girl says,
“can’t find my phone.”
He says, “Get those envelopes before they close”
Girl says,
To the guy, “excuse me-“
Then the guys says into the phone, “in fifteen minutes” then to the girl- he says
“Yeah?”
Girl says,
“So sorry to bother you-
But my friend is in a frantic situation
I told her that I’d call her but now
I cannot find my phone, so can I borrow yours?”
“I’m on an important call,” he says.
Girl offers cigarettes, says,
“I’ll give you the whole pack-
i smoked one already.”
He says,
“I don’t smoke.” And to the phone- “alexis, im getting off for a minute call me back when you think you have found the right ones………now go find them.”
he hangs up, gives the phone to the girl who while dialing says,
“thank you so fucking much.”
(dude says nothing)
Girl says,
“Cassandra, I’m so sorry it took so long to call
i must have left my phone at work.
I had to borrow someone else’s on the bus,
Are you still crying?
I’m so sorry dear.
Did you tell him?
You’re not going to put up with it any longer.
Do you hear me?
He thinks his little trophy mistress
Looks so good on his arm at the bus
But he can’t have his cake and eat it too.
You give him an
Ultimatum
Cassandra,
Listen to me now if you don’t do it now you never will.
Well honey you’re not a little girl any more.
That worked fine in grade school but we’re not
Playing house any more- this is the real thing.”
Phone starts ringing. Girl says,
“If you don’t tell him, I will……..”
Guy says, “I need the phone back.”
Girl gives him the ‘one minute’ sign.
Then says,
“that bastard. He was there with her Sunday.
I saw him.
Don’t let him lie to you.
Guy takes the phone and says into it,
“She’ll call you back-“ then to the girl-
“it’s Friday night and I NEED my manilla envelopes.”
(into the phone-)
alexis, did you find them? We’ll get the guy to help you.
Never mind what I said before. They’re going to close in ten minutes. Not 200, 300, I told you 5 times. What are you on? And you got the little stickers too, right? The fucking little stickers I told you about? Just get them at the 99 cent store tomorrow- but I’m not helping you find those- you’ll have to do it on your own- I’m going to the cabin and I don’t get good reception out there. Good, you found the envelopes. So what if the line is long? I know but they have to keep the store opened until-“
The phone rings, and the girl says,
“That’s Cassandra.” Guy says,
“alexis, call me in a few, I need to lend out the phone again.”
“Why can’t you tell him?” She screams into the phone, “you want me to? But that’s so immature. Oh, now you’re being silly. Oh, that’s ridiculous. Cassandra, it’s time to grab your balls and jump out of the airplane. We’re not screwing around anymore. No man is going to treat my friend like this and get away with it. You’d BETTER not stay home tomorrow. We’ve been planning this for weeks. Well if you’re going to cry, you’re going to cry with us while you’re singing karaoke. You know, you let yourself be manipulated too easily. That’s not very nice to say. That’s why your friends with me? You’re going to insult me now when I’m trying to help you?” She flashes the “dude can you believe that?” sign ardently. PHONE rings again. Guy says-
“gimme gimme.” Girl says-
“I’ll call you back.”
“They won’t let you pay, what do you mean they won’t let you? Let me talk to the guy. Let me talk to him……….Guy, I do a lot of business in your store. I don’t care if you’re closing. I’ve been waiting for those envelopes and if you don’t sell them to my assistant we’ll never shop there again. You don’t care? Well then let me speak to someone who DOES care. So now you think you’re funny? What’s your name? Stuart? If you don’t ring up my girl there you’re in big trouble, you hear me? I’m getting the big pack of envelopes next Wednesday. I’ll be buying more. But not at your store if you don’t do this. You’re telling me the computer closes down at this time? Don’t tell me you can’t do anything about it.” (The bus stops, the girl gets up.) girl says-
“Thanks for the phone, hope you get your envelopes.”

No comments: